My daughter just turned 3, and it seems like all she does is defy me. Help! What can I do to make her mind me?
Question: My daughter just turned 3, and it seems like all she does is defy me. Help! What can I do to make her mind me?
Michele Louviere answers:Many parents are shocked at their sweet baby’s behavior when he or she turns 3. The description of “terrible twos” actually is more accurately described as “terrible threes.” Of course, children do not become horrible at this age, but they do begin challenging authority. As three years become more and more their own persons;they will challenge parents to see how far they can go. Surviving the challenging threes involves parents having a good parenting plan, being unified as a couple and practicing consistency.
As parents, take some time to discuss the appropriate expectations and consequences when those expectations are not followed for your 3-year-old. Remember, discipline is not punishment; rather, it is training. Discuss your thoughts with other parents who you trust and read good parenting books.
For example, one of the most important lessons for a three year old is learning obedience, which helps them be successful at home, school, society, work and, ultimately, in their relationship to God. As you develop a parenting plan, spend time talking about the different places that you expect obedience. For example, it is appropriate for 3-year-olds to do what you ask them to do.
One great practical tool for teaching obedience is the “practice technique.” When your child is disobedient, simply say, “Wow, you are having a hard time listening and following my directions. I think we need to practice being obedient.” Then whatever your daughter has done or not done, show her the right behavior and have her practice it three to five times, until you see a softening of her heart.
For example, if you ask your daughter to pick up her toys and she refuses, show her what you need her to do and stay with her until she completes the task. Then pour the toys out and have her pick them up again. Then repeat the process until you see that softening.
Remember, God wants us to not just be obedient outwardly but also in the innermost parts of our heart. The first time you use this technique it may take some time to finish the process. Stay united as parents and be consistent.
This is a battle that you will want to win.
Soon, all you will need to say to your child when she acts disobedient is – “It looks like you are having a hard time obeying Mom or Dad. I think we need to practice.” Usually, the child will want to be obedient at that point. Mastering obedience with your 3-year-old helps make parenting easier in the years to come.
Michele Louviere serves as Clinical Director of Celebration Hope Center, a ministry of Healing Hearts for Community Development (HHCD). You can connect with Michele and learn more about how HHCD is bringing help, hope and healing to New Orleans by visiting www.HealingHeartsNola.org.