My wife recently purchased a digital scale and placed it in our bathroom. I recently mustered the courage to give it a try. I hopped on the scale and waited patiently. When I glanced down at the display, words appeared instead of numbers. “One at a time,” the callous calibrator reported.
My wife recently purchased a digital scale and placed it in our bathroom. I recently mustered the courage to give it a try. I hopped on the scale and waited patiently. When I glanced down at the display, words appeared instead of numbers. “One at a time,” the callous calibrator reported.
I knew I had gained some weight, but I never realized I had put on enough pounds to play linebacker in the NFL. “How,” I wondered, “did this happen?”
I began to carefully review my eating patterns over the past several months. It did not take too long to note a recent addition to my diet.
The culprit that had caused me to become gravitationally challenged was ice cream. And not just any ice cream. It was a particular brand of the frozen treat – Blue Bell.
I added Blue Bell ice cream to my diet when my family moved to Louisiana from Oregon a year ago. The tasty Texas treat was not available in the Pacific Northwest, so for seven years ice cream was not a regular part of my diet.
Once I discovered that Blue Bell was available in my new home town, I began to indulge.
“The best ice cream in the country” is how Blue Bell Creameries once billed its product. And after sampling cold confections from around the United States and the world, I can testify that their advertising is not hyperbole. The current slogan is, “We eat all we can and we sell the rest.”
For the unfortunate souls who have never had the opportunity to partake of a dish of Blue Bell, you simply can’t imagine what you are missing. It is nothing short of ambrosia.
If there is ice cream served in heaven, it will be Blue Bell.
But I digress ….
Now that I have recovered from the shock caused by being confronted by my weight gain, I am considering taking action.
Inspired by those who have filed frivolous lawsuits over the years, I am pondering whether to set aside any previous reluctance about litigation and step forward to sue the Texas-based ice cream company for causing my unwanted pounds.
You see, it is not my fault that I am now overweight. It is Blue Bell’s.
I am a vulnerable victim. If the “Little Creamery in Brenham” did not make its ice cream so irresistibly delicious, I would not be in the shape I am in today.
I admit it. I am addicted to Blue Bell products. I can’t walk down the freezer section of a grocery store without breaking into a cold sweat. I tremble and my knees become weak. I am certain that Blue Bell has some sort of secret additive that makes the ice cream addictive.
My wife called one day this past week and asked if I would stop at a grocery store on my way home and pick up some milk. I made it home with the milk – and three containers of Blue Bell: Cookies-n-Cream, Banana Pudding and King Cake flavored. My wife just shook her head and said, “I hope it was on sale.”
I won’t sue Blue Bell just for the money. I feel a responsibility, especially to young people. I have noticed that Blue Bell is now selling smaller portions of their delectable treats in convenience stores.
These pint-sized portions are brightly packaged and offered at an affordable price – prices that a kid on an allowance can afford. I have no doubt that Blue Bell’s strategy is to entice children with the small samples of their product, thus creating a whole new generation of ice cream addicts.
Blue Bell doesn’t care about those who consume its precious product. The ice cream company’s sole motive is profit. The more ice cream addicts Blue Bell creates, like me, the more money the company rakes in.
The ice cream giant does not care that their product causes people to gain weight and thus increases the risk of heart disease. Blue Bell just keeps churning out their tantalizing product and shamelessly marketing it to unsuspecting consumers. What’s an addict to do?
I care about this country. Therefore, I need to do my duty by taking issue with Blue Bell in a court of law. If the Texas-based company is allowed to operate unabated, what will our nation look like decades from now? We could well be a huge (no pun intended) country of ice cream addicts.
Okay, I’m not really going to sue Blue Bell. I know all too well that my weight gain is my own fault. Too much eating and too little exercise is why I have packed on the pounds.
However, if I did take the “Little Creamery in Brenham” to court, I wonder if I would prevail? People have sued for lesser reasons and won. After all, this is America, the land of the free and the home of the frivolous lawsuit.
By the way, if I did win I would ask for my judgment to be paid in ice cream. That way it could be said of me, “He got his just desserts!”