C. Lacy Thompson
LBM Associate Editor
Someone once opened a discussion of civility by looking
back on the advent of the railroad into American life.
At the time, there were concerns about how persons would behave
as they shared crowded railroad car space with others on long trips. There were
discussions about what rules would be necessary.
However, surprisingly, behavior was not the problem some feared.
Apparently, the sometimes crowded, inconvenienced passengers understood a simple
truth – they were all in journey together.
Someone once opened a discussion of civility by looking
back on the advent of the railroad into American life.
At the time, there were concerns about how persons would behave
as they shared crowded railroad car space with others on long trips. There were
discussions about what rules would be necessary.
However, surprisingly, behavior was not the problem some feared.
Apparently, the sometimes crowded, inconvenienced passengers understood a simple
truth – they were all in journey together.
In other words, it made sense for persons to make the trip
as pleasant as possibile – for others and themselves.
The church could take a lesson.
Indeed, for an institution founded on principles espoused by
Jesus Christ, the church certainly knows its share of squabbling, fighting and
down-and-dirty conflict.
Some will argue that anything with humans involved is sure
to endure such hardships. Others will agree, while stressing that the church
should be trying to be different – if nothing else.
For now, this is sure – church conflict will happen. Personalities
will clash. Goals will differ. Problems will arise.
A church without conflict is not a likely prospect. But a church
without destructive conflict could be, many observers insist.
It all depends on how problems are handled, how conflicts are
resolved.
Of course, that assumes that a situation even is addressed.
Yes, it sounds simple, but the truth is that many people operate on a leadership-by-default
theory – ignore a problem long enough, and it will go away. Others flee
the situation, refusing to engage in any discussion. Others internalize it,
allowing it to distract or embitter them.
However, this much is certain – if a conflict or problem
is allowed to go unchecked or unaddressed, it will develop into a full-blown
crisis of “us against them.”
At that point, positive reconciliation of a situation is not
the focus – not at all.
Indeed, as one writer explains it, a conflict begins with simply
an uncomfortable feeling that one cannot quite identify.
However, a problem soon arises. Now, there is a matter to be
resolved.
Left unresolved, the problem becomes a person to differ with
– and the debate begins about who is right and who is wrong.
It then escalates into a dispute to win.
If the conflict continues, it becomes a person to attack. Then,
there is “face” to save. Eventually, there is an all-or-nothing battle,
in which the focus is on a person to withdraw from or expel or ruin.
“The conflict may be so intractable at this stage that
disputants would rather suffer personal loss or the ruin of the church in order
to see their adversary defeated,” Kenneth Newberger writes in a paper presented
at www.resolvechurchconflict.com.
Of course, as the conflict grows, the church faces real dangers,
including distraction, a loss of credibility and reputation, a loss of mission,
congregational confusion, financial losses and a curtailment of evangelism,
Newberger writes.
Taken to an extreme, an unresolved conflict can result in church
division and years of fallout, he and others note.
But that can be avoided, observers insist.
“There comes a point when conflict has deteriorated to
such an unmanageable level that, barring a miracle, there is little that an
attempted peacemaking process can achieve,” Newberger acknowledges.
“Therefore, the sooner conflict is recognized and addressed,
the more likely it can be transformed and resolved.”
The key is to deal with the situation as quickly as possible
and to approach it as an opportunity to grow, to develop a deeper faith and
deeper relationships with others. various experts emphasize.
Acts 6:1-7 offers an example of a process that can prove beneficial.
In the passage, Grecian Jews voice a complaint against Aramaic-speaking
members of the church community regarding the distribution of food to widows.
For the fledgling church, the dispute could have blown into
a crippling crisis.
Instead, the apostles gathered all disciples together, discussed
the situation and reached a decision on how to handle the food distribution
to everyones satisfaction.
In doing so, they reminded persons to stay focused. “It
would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order
to wait on tables,” they said.
The approach bore echoes of the words of Jesus, who counseled
his followers to focus on the kingdom and allow all other things to take care
of themselves.
Observers still emphasize that approach in church conflict
– still stress that a key is to stay focused on the identity, mission and
purpose of the church as the people of God.
“If we can just remember we all are children of God, all
members of the same body, all assigned with the same work, maybe we can navigate
our way through whatever comes our way – or at least allow God to move
us through it,” one survivior of a church conflict noted.
In many ways, it is the same lesson exhibited by railroad passengers
many years ago – that all manner of problems can be dealt with if church
members just remember they are all traveling on the same train.