Submitted by philip on
By Brian Blackwell, Marketing Director
ALEXANDRIA – When Dwayne and Becky Vines first married, they knew small details such as who handles the finances could have destroyed their marriage.
But the couple, now married for 20 years, realized early on they should focus on the bigger picture rather than spending time arguing over unimportant battles.
“Being mean and arguing can be a habit,” said Dwayne Vines, dressed like a professional boxer during a mid-September “Fight Night” event at Calvary Baptist Church. “We could have had a bad marriage during the first year of our marriage. But we were more committed to our marriage than being right all the time.”
Dwayne Vines and his wife talked about ways to handle conflict in a biblical manner.
The two-hour Fight Night event, also featured video testimonials from authors Max Lucado and Chip Ingram.
Becky Vines said that throughout their marriage the couple has kept Christ at the center.
She said by doing so, the couple has been able to keep the proper perspective on who is at the head of their marriage.
“When conflict arrives there are three parties involved,” she said.
She added that prayer and conflict resolution – before confronting the other spouse – are two important keys to a successful, God-centered marriage.
“You have to go to the Lord in prayer,” she said. “When you confront the person, you go with the spirit of God.”
In his video testimony, Lucado reminded the married couples and singles in attendance that what attracted them to their spouse when they were dating one another attacks them when they are married.
“Harmony in a home can be achieved but we have to work at it,” Lucado said.
To that end, Lucado offered five guidelines for a successful marriage:
• Be considerate, not assuming that spouses know everything about one another.
• Continually court one another.
• Fight fairly; never criticizing in public.
• Lock the escape hatch: rule out divorce as an option.
• Ask Christ to place His Spirit within both spouses.
• “When Christ is in the husband and the wife, then Christ will be in the home,” Lucado explained.
For his part, Ingram shared seven ways to diffuse conflict:
• Define the problem.
• Initiate a time to talk.
• Focus on the perceived problem.
• Feed the person’s pain as though it is one’s own.
• Uncover the root problem.
• Set things right with the other person.
• Establish a game plan of what to do next.
“It’s a fallen world,” Ingram said. “You will grow in your marriage through conflict.
“Conflict is an opportunity to grow,” he continued. “When you learn to do it with the little things, it gets easier to do it with the bigger things.”
Calvary’s Young Adult Minister Seth Carnes closed the evening, urging couples to stay together for life, seek and ask forgiveness and open the door for God’s plan for their marriage.
“He wanted you to get married to experience life,” Carnes said. “Realize the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, stands in the winner’s circle cheering you on.”
Among the couples in attendance were Leigh Ann and Dan Purvis, who have been married for nine years.
“While we, fortunately, don’t have very many arguments, we definitely learned tools from the couples in the video on how to communicate more effectively,” Leigh Ann Purvis said. “An example would be about finding the right time to talk about issues that we disagree on.”